I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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