Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
