Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
