It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i need some magic done to my vagina
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
