Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
