Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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