I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
