we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
