wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
