I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
