She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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