I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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