I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
