I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The best revenge is premature balding
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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