i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
