And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
