I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
