whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize