I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
