The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
