i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
