I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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