he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
