I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
