The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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