So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
