I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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