The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
