It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
