Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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