its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
