I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
