Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My penis needs a shock collar
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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