there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
What a dumb baby whore.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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