Someone shit on the floor
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize