Barsexuality is the new black.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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