I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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