Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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