Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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