Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They are going to name an STD after you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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