Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
