Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
