i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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