Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
