I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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