Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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