every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
