Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
sex in a hospital.. check
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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