Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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