You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
