note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
