it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
