making cat noises will not fix the situation.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
