Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
