And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
