Whats the glycemic index on semen?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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