The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize