I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
