It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
