I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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