hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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