I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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