I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
