Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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