i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
