Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
