I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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