Need sex. Gaining weight.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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