Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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