I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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