yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
