i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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