R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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