I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
