I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
