This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
