Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
