Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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