Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
