I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need moral support for this bender
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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