my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize