I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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