I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
