it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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