pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Two words: blizzard sex
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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