SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
