you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
