you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
soo... how was my night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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