Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
