i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
