please come you make the beer taste better
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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