One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
