just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
