hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize