i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
