I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
