I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
