Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Your penis caused this!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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