I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
