oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
