Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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