I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
