So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
