you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize