Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
