From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I smell like Dick and happiness
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
