I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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