why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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