I'm really into asian looking animals
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
