you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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